The Blog Of The Dog

…Diet Girl asked The Master this morning. It was his first morning back after the festival and mine after a horrendous weekend spend with Pumpkin. Remember I told you she was high maintenance? She hasn’t shut up for the past five days, metaphorically chewing my ears off about her friends, her Master and Mistress, her Toys, her dietary requirements- in the end I could’ve literally chewed her ears off just to get her to shut up! I haven’t had any decent sleep for days…..

The Master on the other hand, is well rested and has picked up a golden tan after spending his weekend drinking some stuff call ’scrumpy’ at Glastonbury and watching an old man call ‘The Boss’. The Master has a Boss? I’m not sure how that works in the human’s social pecking ordr, I may look that up on Wikipedia later on.

Anyway, Diet Girl, despite melting in the heat, has been harassing the pair of us for a song, to which she doesn’t know the band, or any of the lyrics it seems. All she knows is that it’s song by a man and the chorus goes ‘Hey! Hey! Hey!’

Any ideas? Please let me know, before I chew her ears off too….

After one of the dullest, wettest weekends in a long time, the sunshine is finally back, unfortunately timed after I’d had my afternoon walk, but hey ho!- I’m going home soon so I’ll have a chance to soak it up then.

I haven’t really done that much today, just moped about after The Master. He’s going on holiday with The Mistress to a thing called a festival on Wednesday, meaning I’m being packed off to stay with Pumpkin the Labrador for the weekend. I don’t mind Pumpkin sometimes, but other times she’s really high maintenance and talks all the time- and sometimes I just enjoy a bit of peace and quiet.

I did my first ever online personality quiz today. I’ve been sent loads of the application versions on Facebook, but to be honest, I didn’t really have much incentive to complete them; ‘Which High School Musical character are you?’ and ‘What’s your favourite colour?’ are hardly high up on my agenda. This one though, I couldn’t resist. I spent ten minutes on ‘How Smart Is Your Pet?’ to discover that I’m ‘Pretty darn bright, and if you work on trick-training and other mind-expanding games your dog will likely be even tuned in and fun to have as a companion.’

What?

I’m not fun to have as a companion in the first place? Like I need improving? I was quite insulted. I’m very likeable and well behaved, and I look nice. No improvements needed here.

I was also very impressed to find that another dog has commented on my last blog post. Hello to Lacey The Lurcher, I did try and follow your links to leave a ‘Thank You’ on your blog, but it appears you are running a successful print and framing empire! Are you allowed a blog? Have you asked your Master, or Mistress?

Thanks you for the comment anyhow if you reading this, and FYI, I am not a sheep, it’s simply the trademark of The Masters’ office, where I am most of the week. I did try to add some photos of myself to today’s entry to prove this, but for some reason my photo add-on keeps crashing! Ah the joys of the internet, eh?

I’ll be back hopefully before my imminent stay with Pumpkin- no internet for five whole days- how will I cope??

Until next time kids…..

For the last week it has been beautifully sunny and warm, and I’ve enjoyed more than my fair share of walks in the park and swims in the river, but this morning was dreadful. So much so, I didn’t even want to leave the house. The sky was dark and grey and the rain was sheeting down. The Master was very annoyed because he had to carry me from the house to the car, such was my mood for venturing outside.

When we got to the office and dried off a bit, Diet Girl arrived after her walk from the railway station and she was none too happy about the rain either. Then Happy Man came through the door, beaming through the atmosphere of dampness and grumbles, chattering about ‘teamwork’ like a motivational poster from the 90s. I am now inclined to agree with Diet Girl- there is something wrong with him- no-one can be that happy.

Anyway, I spent the morning mosying through the online press and discovered this little gem:

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3362630.html?menu=

Aaah! At last it’s been recognised the the humans don’t really understand us, although truth be told, I’ve known this for some years now.  My kind have over 100 different facial expressions actually, but most of those include the positioning of our ears. This means that bulldogs and pitbulls only have ten expressions, due to their breeding, and that’s also the reason they get into so many fights with other dogs- as they’re so easily misinterpreted. See? You learn something new every day!

The Master has created a new page on our website which Diet Girl has been writing all afternoon- and hence has been the topic of the office  for best part of the day.

Basically, from what I can gather, the page is written to help new and existing businesses to use networking sites and various other online resources to help optimise their website and promote themselves on the internet, but like with all things Diet Girl gets assigned- she can’t keep it simple!

I was watching her from my post behind the filing cabinet, for about an hour, but it was only when I sat on her desk and looked at the screen, I could see what the problem was.

You see, the idea was that she wrote a little about getting your business started on the various big websites, before detailing a few of the smaller, regional efforts, but what she had thought would be an easy job turned into a massive task, as it seems there’s a lot more to creating online profiles than there was a few years ago.

From looking at her screen, sure, some sites haven’t changed- such as Yahoo for example. Sign up for account, add your photo and minimal information, and that’s pretty much it.  The same goes for Myspace, Digg and Bebo, although they seem to be flailing in the overwhelming success of Facebook, which is where Diet Girl is now, head in hands.

You see, half her problem is that she has to write down what she’s doing, as she’s doing it- which is a problem for her. I know that most female humans can multitask, but for her that usually just involves breathing and walking- today’s typing and writing is getting her nowhere.

Anyway, apart from watching Diet Girl, I’ve spent most of this afternoon, clicking my way through http://cheezburger.com/ one of the many sites featuring Lol Catz and Lol Dogz. In case you didn’t know what this is, and you happened to be an animal lover (which of course I hope you are!), ‘Lol’s are photos of pets where surfers are invited to create funny captions for them.

Like Diet Girl on Hot Or Not, I’m drawn to this like a moth to the flame. It’s free to register for an account, and then you can flick through the images and rate them as you please, maybe even add some captions for yourself- seriously, it’s too addictive!

Anyhow, Happy Man’s gone home, and The Master’s shaking my lead so I’d best go and take my place in the car.

Until next time kids!

…Meme….

Seriously it is.

According to Wikipedia:

“The term Internet meme (pronounced /mi?m/, meem) is a phrase used to describe a catchphrase or concept that spreads quickly from person to person via the Internet, much like an inside joke.^“

I knew there was a word for it! After spending literally months on the internet, I’ve come across several of these memes already, from Numa Numa, to the Starwars Kid, Ninja Kitty to Badger Badger, and have given them a brief nod in here before. And then today, I stumbled across this:

http://www.dipity.com/tatercakes/Internet_Memes

Every major meme from 1989 onwards!!! Oh my word!!

I’d write more for you all today, but I hope you understand I’m only up to 2001 so far, and there’s many more memes to be seen!

Until next time…..

Today is the hottest day in the UK for twenty years, I heard on the radio, and as I sit here in the office behind the filing cabinet, The Master is propping all of the windows and the door open with boxes as Vizcom is like a small oven.

The Master has managed to burn his legs whilst at out fishing as he ‘couldn’t be bothered’ to get his sun lotion from the house, and opposite him is Diet Girl who, being ginger like myself,  has been shirking away from daylight for most of the day and is hiding behind her desk, decked out in massive sunglasses and slurping a bottle of water like her very life depends on it.

I personally had a lovely walk in the park and have spent most of the day lazing about with my laptop enjoying the bit of sunshine coming through the window. I can’t understand the humans- they complain when it rains, and complain when the sun shines- are they ever happy?

Diet Girl brought a copy of The Metro into the office this morning, which I snaffled out of the bin and had a read through before shredding into tiny pieces just to pass the time. There was, however, one article which caught my eye, shortly before I transformed it into a grey, slavery mush.

It was about this website:

http://www.cardsofchange.com/display.php?id=2b590ff5a9dc30a2f271b690a9ecf693&page=

A brilliant idea, I’m sure you’ll agree, but not far flung at all from the fabulous:

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Which is an art project that has been going for years now, producing many book in the process.

So I’m sat behind the filing cabinet, checking the sites out, when The Master and Diet Girl spy my screen and start talking shop- mainly business cards and stationery, which is one of Vizcom’s services:

 Business Card Printing

(Just in case you’re interested)

Then all of this talk of business cards got us all thinking- The Master and Diet Girl discussed making another video for the website- (which coincidentally he uploaded today):

http://www.vizcomdesign.co.uk/Search-Engine-Marketing/70/

With a second video being about business cards and stationery dos and don’ts- ie, don’t print your own using ClipArt, don’t get your friends to ‘design’ it to save money, etc.

And the talk of business cards got me thinking- I’m a dog- I’ll never have a business card to give someone. My species sniff bums, lick faces, chase sticks and run in streams- thankfully business networking is not something I’ll ever have to endure. But a Post Secret?

Now that’s something I’d like to do. There is some postcards in the desk, but I’ve spent the rest of the afternoon deciding what my secret would be- as without realising it, I’ve amassed so many!

‘When The Master frustrates me, I lie under his desk and fart deliberately.’

Ladies and gentlemen, that’s the winner right there!

I also have to say hello to Thieving Gypsy, a friend of The Master who works down the hallway from Vizcom. He left a comment in here and I got the hint he wasn’t ‘involved’ enough- but I suspect that’s because he rarely leaves his own office. So, Thieving Gypsy, hello to you

Until next time kids……