Archive for March, 2009

Tell me why, I don’t like Mondays….

Monday, March 30th, 2009

….Being the geek that I am, did you know that that song was written about the first ever High School shooting in America? Apparently in the 70s a teenage girl shot fellow students and when finally diasarmed, was asked why she’d felt the reason to cause such mayhem and bloodshed. ‘I don’t like Mondays’ was her answer, according to Diet Girl. (Obviously,I don’t listen to the radio as much as she does though).

Anyway, today in the office has been a frustrating experience to say the least! The Master and Diet Girl have been sat about preparing the stuff for their upcoming youtube video. This is because after the infamous SEO workshop last week, The Master has learned that youtube is now the 2nd most used search engine on the web, and so has decided to embark on a film production.

Diet Girl, a with a degree in film-making (though to look at her you can’t really tell- she walked into the office door twice today) has written a brief script and story-boarded a plan, and between the pair of them they hope to launch themselves onto youtube within the next week.

It was frustrating for me because every day I’m here, in between the sleeping (to pass the time) and the walks (to pass the water), I spend my time wedged behind the filing cabinet on youtube. Seriously, I live on that site, and who doesn’t? A site that has allowed ordinary people to broadcast their short films, animations, family videos and even old cine films for the world to see and comment upon- in fact that site has taught me so much.

It’s taught me that the best way to learn to speak the English language (not that I ever will) is to learn it with a cardio routine http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLvGu3WiiQ8&feature=related ; that even though I don’t get to control what I watch and therefore learn on the magic picture box at home (obviously, I can’t comandeer the remote control when The Master and The Mistress are fighting over it), I usually can on my pc:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgocE-JfWFI and that cats are sneaky, devious, dirty little creatures and are not to be trusted http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muLIPWjks_M (although admittedly, I’d kinda sussed that one out already).

So how annoyed was I that for once, the inhabitants of the office were talking about something I know about- finally, a discussion I can join in with!! I danced about in circles, wagging my tail, rolled onto my belly, pulled The Master’s sleeve and was about to carry my old, soggy laptop over to show them my youtube account before I was told off for having a ‘mad one’ and that I should ‘calm down’.

All dejected, I skulked back behind the filing cabinet and instead wrote my blog. If they don’t want to let me join in- FINE! Perhaps you’d like to watch my five favourite youtube classics instead……..

1. Badger Badger- if I could have a phone, this would be my ringtone, and the maker has just been comissioned for his first UK commercial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOxR7rTYuSI

2. Close second is Dancing Guy- what a beautiful idea- if more humans did this, the world would be a happier place, I’m sure:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY

3. Star Wars Kid is a controversial film- because apparently the kid was bullied over it after he put it on youtube, but by all accounts, he’s been interviewed on US TV a whole bunch of times and got paid, so he can’t be doing that badly:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPPj6viIBmU

4. I love this man. I want to go to his house and spend hours just hanging out with him. I wish The Master could do that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFZevw1AHZs

5. This is probably one of the most irritating video of all time but again, this kid has appeared on countless TV shows performing his terrible dance and the song was re-released in many countries on the back of the video’s popularity:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60og9gwKh1o

And if you have any recommendations for me, please let me know! I always scour the featured videos selection when I log in, but there’s always the odd one I haven’t seen before.

Anyway, The Masters’ jangling my lead about so I guess I’d best go home. At least Eric will be pleased to see me when I get in.

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It’s raining. Again. Why am I so surprised?

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009

And rain means that I can’t go out for longer walks- which means, you guessed it, more time spent behind the filing cabinet in the office, when really all I wanted to do was stretch my legs and feel the wind in my ears.

On the bright side though, I did get a day off yesterday, as The Master had booked himself onto a SEO course somewhere else in the building. (SEO is search Enginge Optimisation, in case you were wondering, it’s what he does to other people’s websites for a job. (I know, you just thought he sat about in meetings all day, didn’t you?)).

So this morning, he comes into work and he’s all enthusiastic, because apparently it didn’t teach him anything new but did confirm to him that what he was doing was right and of a high standard and it seems to have lit up the computer geek inside him.

Happy Man, obviously wiser than Diet Girl, chose to be out in meetings all day, whilst The Master tried to explain, in the most basic terms possible, the contents of his SEO workshop. I suppose on some levels it was quite interesting for me, since I’ve been training myself to go to sleep the minute he begins talking shop and I’ve missed out on some of the practices that go on in the cyber world.

For example, he was telling her about Alt Tags. This is the science bit now, I’ll warn you, but don’t switch off, it really is quite interesting! Honest.

Right, the background bit is that Alt Tags (or Alt Attributes in some circles) are the keywords embedded in images on websites, for use by people who are blind or visually impaired. The idea is that when the surfer goes over and image with their mouse, the software that they use reads out the description of the image.

For example, for Vizcom Design, our logo is a pink sheep. So the user goes over the image and computer says ‘pink sheep’. But that’s in an ideal world! Sadly, some ruthless, and quite amateur, web designers and so called SEO specialists will instead pack the image description with keywords for their website too- so instead of the rather honest ‘pink sheep’, they’d hear lots of random words, like ‘graphic design’, ‘website building’, ‘printing’, ‘keyrings’ and sometimes, they won’t even bother to describe the image at all, and just use the feature to cram in more keywords for their site in the hopes that search engines will pick them up quicker.

When The Master told this to Diet Girl, she thought the same as me. It’s a shocking practice really, because we take our sight for granted and have no idea how frustrating it must be to rely on other people’s website design to negotiate your way around the world wide web.

‘In a way, it’s like getting a compass and stabbing extra bumps into pages of Braille!’ Exclaimed Diet Girl. And for once, I was inclined to agree with her.

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Mmmmm Sleepy….

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

Today has been a glorious, sunny day and at lunchtime The Master took me for a run around the fields which was wonderful, before I came in and fell asleep behind the filing cabinet for an hour or two to recover.
Happy Man was doling out Polish food and red wine to The Master and Diet Girl in the office, but nobody asked me if I wanted any! To be honest though, I was more worried about Eric, the object of my affections. He’s commonly refferred to by The Master as ‘that grubby effort you carry with you’ but I love him dearly and this morning he had fallen down the back of my basket at home- I didn’t have time to grab him and bring him with me and he’s been at the back of my mind all day. In fact, I’ve also uploaded some new photos this afternoon, Eric’s in there, it’s not a good picture but that’s because The Master didn’t catch his best side or give him a wash beforehand!
So since I’ve spent best part of the day either running around the fields like a maniac or sleeping at the back of the filing cabinet, my YouTube addiction has been neglected somewhat. I did find this little gem though:
http://www.jack-russell-terrier.co.uk/fun/most_popular_dog_names.html
And was pleased to say that ‘Ruby’ was not in any of the lists- which surely means I’m not a commoner like all of those ‘Diesels’ and ‘Gizmos’ out there, and that can only be a good thing; I’d like to think I come from purer breeding and a better background than that!
Also, I overheard The Master telling Diet Girl that he is going on holiday soon- which means only one thing- I’M GOING ON HOLIDAY TOO!!!!!!!! And by my working out, it’s only a couple of weeks away! Now where’s my rubber ring and knotted hankie? And more importantly, where’s Eric’s shades??

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Ooooh! Sunny Thursdays…..

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

It’s been lovely in the office today. The sun has been shining, The Master took me out for a walk and the rest of the time I sat sunning myself behind the filing cabinet, plugged into the laptop.

I do love the internet, but have not found another of my species yet to converse with, which is a shame, so to combat this I’ve begun to join social networking sites, which has been an experience and a half today, let me tell you.

Firstly, I went and found myself a profile picture- please don’t think that I’m a bit of a narcissist here, but I’m a firm believer in making a good first impression, and whther you’re sniffing bums or licking faces, first impressions always count above all else.

So I spent a good hour or so going through my photos and picking the best profile picture I could, without succumbing as most have, to the evil that is Photoshop. Then I went on a mission to find me some social networking sites.

My first stop was Facebook (Ruby Vizcom, look me up!), which is very addictive and after I’d found some human friends I couldn’t resist keeping the window open and refreshing every half hour to see what people were up to.

Then I bobbed over to Yahoo, but my typing skills aren’t as quick as they probably should be and I found chat really difficult, then finally I registered with DIGG, but am now struggling to import this blog on there. I don’t mind the technical setbacks, it’ll give me something to get my teeth into when I’m back here on Monday.

Then admittedly, I got bored of registering my details a million times so I went and read some news stories. I like to stay abreast with current events, even if the majority is rarely relevant to those of the canine ilk, but every now and then, I find a thought provoking story that stays with me all day. Today’s offering is:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7929799.stm

What I’d give to be able to type him a message! The humans are convinced he’s human like them, but I know he’s not; he’s canine like me. And how do I know that? Well, his name backwards is my kind, and we all know that the further away a word is, it appears backwards. I think this is right because I was watching an episode of Friends on youtube the other day and Joey wrote ‘pleh’ in sticks on the ground so when helicopters saw it, they would see it read ‘help’.

And if this is wrong, what do you expect? I’m a dog on a keyboard, I didn’t study physics…….

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Time for Big Sleeps

Wednesday, March 11th, 2009

Hello again, how are you today? I’m feeling a bit ruff to be honest, but then again so is everyone else in the office. The Master has an allergy to something unknown and woke up this morning with one eye all swollen up like he’s been punched, Diet Girl on her ridiculous water shakes diet had cheated on Monday and ate a prawn sandwich, which then gave her….what do you humans call it again?….Ah, yes. That’s it. The squits. So she’s been up and down like a chimney sweep all day.

Happy Man has returned once or twice since his big op in the hospital the other week. Actually, as I was leaving the office the other afternoon, he sent me an email from his sick bed which I couldn’t help but read before I left:

Dear Ruby

It’s Happy Man here, and it is good that your reading and writing are coming on, you clearly haven’t taken after your Master, who is clearly deluding himself thinking he is in charge. I am sat up in bed with two of your mates by my side wondering when I am getting up. I can not drive for a week or so (or so means a day in my book) and have to take things eay for a month. A month come on! I am not allowed to lift anything heavy, so the Master of this house, Mistress Bullock will have to change the gearbox on the Polo herself, and chop the logs. Lifting my wallet will be hardest.

Operation went well but I was glad to escape. Was funny when in Theatre they said I was the chirpiest person they had in for a long time. It didn’t last for ever as when I cam round they had put me in a ward full of Wigan speccies who were talking about Uncle Joe Mint ball pies.

Only downside is when I go to the loo but eh, what power! Haven’t hit the back of the pan since that superb Bearded Collie called Rusty won at Cruffs in 1972.

 
Kind Regards

‘Hitting the back of the pan’? Believe me, this made me shudder and I left the office eager to get that particular mental image out of my head.

However, last night I had a really bad night’s sleep. I had a weird dream that I was in a plane and due to all of the pollution, the clouds had been replaced with life-sized elephant helium balloons, and then, real elephants themselves. Then I woke up in a sweat to find The Master and The Mistress laughing at how I’d been twitching my feet during my snooze. Perhaps I should lay off the Stella for a while….

http://www.breakingsurface.proboards76.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=czc&thread=2025&page=1

PS, that obviously isn’t me in that video. I’d like to think I have a little more subconcious decorum than that.

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Hooray for Sunny Thursdays!

Thursday, March 5th, 2009

Today has been absolutely gorgeous, and although I thought I would be spending all afternoon in the office hiding in my comfy spot behind the filing cabinet, I’ve just found out that The Mistress (The Master of The Master) will be coming into the office to collect me for an afternoon of running about the fields which is lovely.
It’s funny really how it’s so sunny here, yet in the town where Diet Girl comes from, it’s bogged down with snow and ice. Now I know what she means when she describes her hometown as a comfortable vortex!
Happy Man is still off work- in a strange way, I’m beginning to miss his enthusiasm for absolutely everything- in fact- he can make the most mundane process sound as exciting as a naked bungee jump off Westminister Bridge! According to The Master, he’ll be back soon, but after the operation he’s had, I don’t think he’ll be taking me for walkies…
So since I’ve not had time to really peruse the internet this morning bar checking my emails, Facebook (come find me, I’m Ruby Vizcom) and myspace, I have no clever links to recommend to you today. I do apologise, and I don’t have time to find any either!
According to The Master, I’ll also be spending the afternoon with Claudia The Chicken- it’ll be great to catch up! She belongs to some friends of ours, or rather they belong to her- it’s a long story really- she escaped from a high security compound (an abbatoir, I’ve worked it out, she hasn’t yet, thankfully) where she was imprisoned for crimes she didn’t commit. Claudia made it unaided across the A6 and into a nearby hotel reception, where she adopted her new owner, and now lives with her and us. In fact I believe that if it ever goes sour- and I doubt it will, Claudie could be part of a vicious custody battle of her ownership……
Bless her though, the A-Team bit is her words, not mine, and I’m glad she hasn’t yet worked out that without her escape she would’ve ended up being in my dog food! What a strange world we live in….
Anyway, I can hear The Mistress coming upstairs so I’d best find my lead and get ready. Have a good weekend, I’ll see you all on Tuesday! :)

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Waiting for Summer to arrive..

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009

Have you had a nice weekend? I did! Firstly The Master took the weekend off work so I was free from the office for two delicious days, where we went walking about in the local forest. Well, I did, he sat with a box of maggots and a fishing rod and stared wistfully into the river for three hours, in the vain hope of catching something. He did in the end, not that it interested me- I had far much more fun snuffling through the undergrowth, chasing squirrels and just enjoying all of the space to run around, which was lovely when I’ve spent all week perched with a PC behind a filing cabinet going through youtube to keep myself amused.
It was nice being free and getting to stretch my legs for a few hours, but it also made me begin to wish for the Summer to arrive, as in Bolton, it’s still very cold and wet.
I know the latter two words do describe the British Summer very well, but on ocassion we do see some some sunlight, and it always seems like such an event when the sun does arrive that all of the humans quit work for the day, don their shorts and spend the day sat in beer gardens or walking in the country, which suits me down to the ground.
Also, trying to dry my fur (and there’s a lot of it) after a mad run around in the forest is a nightmare and The Master and his Mistress (although some could argue HIS Master, heheheheh) aren’t too impressed when I come traipsing in with best part of a gorse bush stuck to my belly and leaves hanging off my ears.
That said, I am very thankful for the Human Family I have. Not only for raising me since I was a pup, but for not torturing me like others of my kind do. By this I don’t mean beaten with sticks, starved and injured- that’s animal cruelty! What I mean here is animal humiliation, which brings me swiftfy onto my website of the day, as a human you may enjoy it, I’m guessing the dogs involved didn’t (although if you are a dog reading this- have you learnt to type too? If so, please drop me an email, I’d love to hear from you! Ruby@vizcomdesign.co.uk):

http://www.lifeinthefastlane.ca/when-pet-owners-go-too-far-part-2/offbeat-news

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